Heuristic: Yes to emotion until I feel comfy in it and being seen in it, then no (with openness to inquiry) 💈

“Every praiseworthy characteristic has two blameworthy poles.” – Ibn al-Athir

How do I know if I'm bypassing? What about the opposite extreme—staying with an emotion long after it's authentic? How do I find the balance? One working heuristic that keeps coming up in conversation this week is saying "Yes" to particular emotion until I feel generally comfy feeling it and being seen in it by others.

For example, let's say I'm not comfortable being seen as jealous. Then I know I need to expand my self-identity to hold being seen as jealous without collapsing. The best way to vet this is by actually being seen in jealousy, and recognizing everything is fine (assuming it is). After I've vetted that then my heuristic is to err on the side of no (with openness to inquiry).

Here's a related map you might find useful:

With love, Jordan