It’s all about the “come from” 💛

A relateful lesson I’m learning over and over again: it’s all about where we’re coming from.

Words matter, but they matter a lot less than where inside of ourselves we source them from. Someone can speak perfect Non-Violent Communication coming from a violent, hurt, scared place in themselves and the listener will feel attacked. Alternatively, when someone is coming from love, they can say something that might normally trigger us to hell, and we feel the love. This is one reason why we don’t do much “correcting” people’s language in relateful sessions—the concept of “correcting” is itself coming from a place I don’t want to endorse! I’d much rather come from a place of love—how can I love this person, expressing as they are? How can I love this person, the group, and myself right now? Every once in a while the answer to that question is teaching or coaching someone, but it’s fairly uncommon.

Here’s a (made up) way I’m remembering to apply it:

1) Notice a relationship I haven’t been able to communicate something very well in. Now in reflection, or in a moment it’s happening.
2) Where am I coming from? In that moment, am I motivated by fear, anger, hurt, love?
3) Acknowledge wherever I’m actually coming from and see if I can love myself here.
4) Can I find a way to come from even more love in the other relationship? The communication might look the exact same, but with different energy, or it might change dramatically.

With love, Jordan