I recently heard a description of toileting as “‘recognize’ and take control of sphincter reflexes”, and thought, man, that’s so similar to our triggers as adults—We don’t know how to control our assholes! (Whether ours or someone we’re close to) When you’re being an ‘asshole’ or ‘tightass’ y...

  Our nine month old daughter has enough bodily control to grab her toddler brother Jack in the car seat next to her, but not enough to stop when he doesn’t like it. What’s young Jack to do, when he’s stuck in the car seat next to someone who literally can’t abide his request? Like most of us, ...

  It’s easy for me to see the innocence of my childrens’ behavior. They’re too young and inexperienced to have many options, and their outputs are more obviously the result of my inputs. This doesn’t always stop me from being frustrated by my son (eg: his refusing to wear pants, running toward t...

  Last night we pulled out Christmas decorations, but when I started to hang a little wooden train on our tree, our son Jack stopped me. “I need my train!” he said, despite having discovered it in a dusty box two minutes earlier. I laughed, but then relatefully considered how his subjective expe...

  My son loves trucks. All kinds are now wellsprings of joy for us both—I’m so excited to see and point out a garbage truck, a red truck, a UPS truck… even when he’s not with me! How many things in your immediate vision are even more awe inspiring than a dump truck? We’ve got a ton to learn fro...

  One morning on the way to school we followed behind a truck towing a trailer. I tried to explain to Jack what a trailer was (since he loves trucks), but we were on a one lane road so all he could see was a rectangle getting bigger and smaller as we got closer and further away. Therefore my exp...

  I learn so much about the foundations of relating watching my son. Two year old Jack was playing on a bocce ball court with a five year old and a three year old. Neither of the older kids cared about the janky red cart in the corner… until Jack got obsessed with it. Suddenly the other kids rea...

  With my son Jack I witnessed birth recapitulating evolution, now I’m getting to see it again with our daughter: We go from idea to zygote to water-womb creature, to eventually coming out to land in the birth. Then we babies are all reptilian with basic survival instincts; we become mammalian w...

  Relating with the world's current state As a species, we’re grappling with several seemingly contradictory perspectives: We are facing enormously complex and dangerous existential problems like unaligned AI superintelligence, nuclear warfare, ecological devastation, and drastic polarizatio...

  I hope this 1 minute clip brings enjoyment and laughter! This is a playful way to talk about learning, and deconstruct any shame around “failure” or "screwing up". Especially when practicing relatefulness. Like toddlers, who are epic f*ck-around-and-find-out-ers, the finding out can be painf...

  The other day I noticed my son putting my dirty socks into the laundry bin, which is through a slot in our bathroom cabinet. He then opened the cabinet, pulled out my dirty socks, and put them back through the slot. He was delighted by this process, laughing as he repeated it a few more times....

  We adults forget to apply to ourselves so much that’s obvious with babies and toddlers. Eg: Watching a child fall when learning to walk, we know that “failure” = learning. We protect them from the most dangerous falls and encourage them to try again. Can we hold our own “failures” the same wa...