Shadow work: When have I violated someone’s consent? 🤝

I was sitting on a patio with some friends (underneath a burr oak!) and our conversation drifted toward the #metoo movement. One woman challenged us into a wonderful, difficult inquiry, which I now pass on to you: When have I violated someone’s consent?

It’s easy to villainize abusers, and feels good to empathize with the victims of abuse. Holding accountability and being in solidarity is critical for healing and change. But perhaps the most important practice for a better future is fearlessly (and compassionately) searching inside of ourselves for where we have been the abusers. As Jesus said, “How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye', while there is still a beam in your own eye?” 

Where have we done what we condemn others for? Even just a little bit? What did it feel like? What was going on inside of us? What were we ignoring, and what were we listening to? You don’t have to tell anyone. You don’t even have to apologize. But if you don’t face the uncomfortable truths inside of yourself, how will you stop yourself from doing the same thing all over again? How will you guide others into better behavior? And without awareness of the ways you’re condemning yourself, how will you ever find peace and forgiveness?

With love, Jordan