Fatherhood, Lineage, Biological Relaxation 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦

Three years ago when Jack was born I noticed a very subtle, strange shift—something relaxed in me that I didn’t realize was tight... something around biological purpose. Almost like a previously unseen anxiety eased up. There are infinite ways to slice up the question, “Why am I here?”... at least one of them, from a physical perspective, is to contribute to the survival of our species in a sheer procreative way. Since there’s still so much work in parenting, much less all of the other things I (and society) think are meaningful for living, the subtle relaxation I felt from this being biologically done was a surprise to me.

Perhaps it’s more than biology. It certainly feels humbling. From this view, this life and even Jack and Ciça are not so much mine; instead, we all belong to the greater lineage (haplogroup?) that expresses itself through each of us. I haven’t heard of other dads talking about this, but I wouldn’t be surprised to find out it’s happening in all parents. I’m just lucky enough to have honed my awareness to pay attention to subtle physical and energetic shifts. Or maybe for many it's not so subtle. (I’d love to hear from any of y’all who have experienced something similar, and see if there’s any research on this kind of phenomenon). I feel like I saw a similar thing in my parents, like a deep-rooted evolutionary tension further eased knowing they have grandkids. The lineage we partially comprise will carry on.

I’m not sure what you’ll take from this reflection... I share it because I think it's somewhat unique and might stimulate meaningful inquiry. I also want to acknowledge those who, for reasons sometimes not of their own choosing, don’t or won’t experience parenthood... I’m quite certain our individual experience is intertwined with a collective continuity even if it’s not so genetically direct. Thanks for reading!

With love, Jordan