First go in, then out ⚙️

One simple relational hack that can get you out of a lot of triggery trouble, increase your freedom, and ironically get you more of what you want with others: First go in, then go out.

Imagine you’re pissed at your neighbor. Before yelling at him, go in. What bothers you, really? Why is that important? Dig deeper. Another layer. Now when you go “out” and communicate, you’ll be taking a lot more personal responsibility, and speak more clearly. You’re much more likely to get what you want (assuming the desire to punish or lash out was a strategy to get what you really wanted). 

Here’s a way to practice this in your next flow session: Notice some judgment you have of someone, or the group, or the direction things are going. Before criticizing, or trying to direct the group toward what you want, go in. What’s important here? What’s at stake? Why do you feel this way? What generates this motivation? What generates the generator? Then go out—don’t just keep it to yourself. True freedom means you’re free to change things (but not exclusively). True acceptance includes accepting your directionality.

With love, Jordan