Light-hearted 🩵

I’ve made the mistake of equating presence with “depth”, and depth with seriousness and discomfort. This thinking cut me off from the infinite creativity of being. It got so extreme that I once wondered if I was less evolved when feeling positive emotions, or neutral, or thinking, or playing, or doing anything other than staring into someone’s eyes speaking slowly while feeling dark, painful, shadowy, inexplicable stuff. Next thing I knew I could only go ‘deep’ with other people trained in the exact mindset and modality I trained in; I was lonely outside of a super niche group but as a consolation I got to feel ‘deeper’ and ‘better’ than everyone for staying fully present with my desperate and hopeless desire to connect.

Fortunately, I’ve since found a more complete view that lives up to a more honest definition of presence: Sinking into whatever’s here, including the so-called “superficial”. Fun stuff comes from this! For example over the holidays I was reflecting on being “light”-hearted. I’m light hearted, so my heart is made of light. Going beyond word-play I started to feel-imagine my heart as all the light I saw—whether Christmas tree lights, a phone screen, or the sun. Here’s my heart, illuminating the world around me. There’s so much of my heart; it’s everywhere I look (if I can look at all). I am shining and loving all over the place. If you’re caught in a similar depressive lonely loop, here’s a bright idea: A more light-hearted feeling-perspective could be a light at the end of the tunnel.

With love, Jordan